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Emotional Roller Coaster for Third Culture Kids
Written by Silke Rehman
A lot is being talked about Third Culture Kids (TCK), those children who grow up in a culture and country different from either of the parents cultures/countries. Up until 9 months ago, when we moved to my home country/culture, our daughter was a TCK and she sure is going through the emotional challenges TCK's face.

We moved about every 2 - 2.5 years. When Chiara was very young, she did not notice it much and as long as we were around, she seemed to cope fine. We moved to Dubai when she was 4 and I only remember a very short period where she missed her nursery friend from the UK. She made new friends quickly and all seemed well.

As a parent of a TCK, I know how important it is to ensure stable relationships in the life of TCK's. When the environment changes all the time, at least the relationships should stay stable, the parents, the friends (even if far away). We did our best to keep visiting her nursery friends (and their families) in the UK and are still doing so at least once a year to this day.

When we moved from Dubai to Germany 9 months ago Chiara first loved her new environment (honeymoon period :-) ), then seriously missed her best friend in Dubai followed by what I thought was a stable period of coping well with her new environment.

Yet, a few days before our planned trip to Dubai about 2 weeks ago, she suddenly had a major attack of longing to be living back in Dubai (at least so she said) to be with the MANY friends she had there. She reproached me that we had decided to move, when we could have perfectly well stayed in Dubai. Even when I explained to her that Dubai is a transient place rather than a home for most people and that if we hadn't moved maybe her friends might move from there, she did not want to hear it.

Once we arrived in Dubai for our holiday, she wanted to see all her MANY friends. Within the week we were there she saw her best friend most days and met 3 others, too, feeling the relief that her friends had not forgotten her and still loved to play with her. Once she had seen and met her friends again, interestingly, she no longer asked to move back to Dubai.

Even when we arrived back home in the German Alps with beautiful sunny spring weather, she no longer talked about wanting to move back to Dubai. It seemed as if all she had needed was a confirmation that her friends were still there, still enjoying her company and having fun with her.

I now see her playing outside with a friend from her class in Germany. They have packed a picnic, made their own playing cards (a la Top Trumps) and are now walking across the field to find a picnic spot to eat and play. She seems so happy !
And of course that makes me happy. And it confirms the importance of stable relationships and the responsibility as parents to help maintain those fragile relationships by providing access to letters, emails, phone calls and ideally occasional visits.

I hope this will give you confidence for your own life journey with Third Culture Kids.
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